well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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