My sheets look like a crime scene.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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