I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
