so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
