put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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