He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
be right there i have to get my cape
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
