Christians are straight up FREAKS
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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