i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
