i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
