sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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