Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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