I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
