i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
