just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
