Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Randomize
