This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
