i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
