Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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