ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
