I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
