happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
