One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
