I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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