Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
