I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
