you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
