Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
