I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
