I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
