I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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