"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
