just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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