im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
