Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
