its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
