I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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