he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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