The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
