i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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