Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
