well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
