I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
