So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
