i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
