im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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