I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
