Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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