I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i already hear my dad disowning me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
