i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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