Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
