Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
